Tag Archives: TV

Slap My Face Like A Drum

After finding out about Physical 100, I lost a good two weeks of my life lusting after unattainable men.

I’ve come to realize that a variety of body types are sexy to me, but I really took an interest in finding out which sports — and what types of training — these folks do.

Particularly the hottest of the hotties. I found about four or five hunks that I plan on Instagram-stalking for a couple of weeks until I forget about them entirely by mid-May. Right on schedule.

To my surprise — and mild horror — I realized I had no idea that MMA fighters were lethally sexy. I’ve never been that into abs and pectorals — not as a primary requirement, I should say. But I promptly began lusting in my heart after watching these guys grapple and run and flex and do all sorts of strength-related stuff.

I was the living embodiment of an In Living Color: Men On … Sports sketch. I was wilting internally as I thought about the streennnnnth of these MMA men.

I Googled a couple of them, admired their rippling muscles, and then reminded myself that most MMA fighters are probably headed directly toward another big abbreviatory battle: CTE.

UFCTE? Yikes. Yiiiiiiiikes.

I realized that I would be worried about my hypothetical boyfriend’s health all of the time. I would worry about the injuries and the long-term effects on his health. I would be too afraid to get into a long-term relationship with an MMA player, even though I suppose a ships-in-the-night situation is still on the table. 🤫

But just as I was about to quit searching for information on CTE and MMA fighters, I found out about the Power Slap League.

Now, I’m the same woman who said I would rather play two sets of jai alai without a helmet than to play two minutes of pickleball. But … why?

The whole damn thing is a mess. The head injuries. The poor compensation. The lack of recognition. The limited cross-over potential. The poor compensation.

And circling back to earlier themes, it’s not even that sexy.

😬

Woman Marries Cat

Here are some notes I made about an imaginary rom-com. This is my attempt at coming up with a believably unbelievable premise for a film:

• A woman marries a tuxedo cat because he’s already wearing a tux. This is an excellent method for saving money — and she posts about it on her Financial Management TikTok account. Or her Financial Management YouTube channel. Or both, because she’s all about cross-platform monetization.

• She does it for publicity. She hopes to meet and marry a millionaire — a local millionaire? A well-known animal-loving celebrity? (Must figure this angle out.)

• She ultimately falls in love with a magazine editor who can’t decide whether the article should be called “Cat marries woman” or “Woman marries cat” — but since the film is called Woman Marries Cat, we’ll probably go with that one.

If anyone wants to turn this into a film, then I’ll gladly accept an executive producer credit. TIA.

Af-Flix-ion

Me: I’m looking for a documentary about —

Netflix: Got it, friend! 😎

Me: … okay. The documentary doesn’t involve crime or celebrities, right?

Netflix: Uhhhh. Let me look again.

Me: I’m just looking for something about, like, an obscure moment in history, or a scandal in a competition, or a person who makes cool sculptures, or the rise and fall of KMart, or —

Netflix: Yeah. We don’t do stuff like that. We have Kaled Over: Death of A Vegan Pizza Heiress and Load€d: The Big ₩ild Bit¢oin $tory.

Netflix: Take it or leave it.

He’s A Bad Man, Savannah

I debated whether or not I should post about this — in part because it’s inconsequential, in part because it’s not about Mayville, and in part because I didn’t really know if I could use the right words to write a non-NSFW post about it.

But I’m going to try my best. So …

Sometimes, there’s not a lot to do around here. The best way to stay entertained is to read a book. When there aren’t any books that hold my interest — assigning the blame to the books and not myself, you see! — I’ll turn to television. I started watching Connect on Hulu this month, just because I didn’t give it any attention when it first came out, and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

For those who might not be aware, Connect is a horror-meets-murder-mystery-meets-thriller-type of show. It falls under the KDrama umbrella — sort of — but it’s directed by a Japanese filmmaker and it has the pacing of a Hollywood-y/Hulu-y psychological thriller.

It’s … alright. I personally think it’s more corny than scary, but that’s just one silly person’s opinion. And now that I’ve given you my opinion, and a few background details, I can finally say what I really wanted to say. And it’s this:

Giiiiiirrrrrl. When she went over to the serial killer’s condo, and she told him she was going to ride him like a buckin’ bronco, she should have known right then and there that something major was wrong with him. Why? Because he immediately went straight to the main course — and he didn’t even try to make her give him some [redacted] first.

That man was a cold, cruel mess. And he had a nasty, dated, odd-looking hair cut. I don’t really understand why she was soooo into that man. But the actor playing the villain is find as he’ll in real life, so … she clearly saw something in him. Mostly his appearance, but still.

There’s also that I-can-fix-him appeal. That was probably irresistible, considering that his insides are just as bad worse than his outsides. Aside from that goofy-ass haircut, his outsides are quite nice. Mmmmmm-mmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmm!