Sometimes, I’ll think of something so disgusting that I make myself cringe. I can usually keep from saying it out loud, but even if I don’t say it, I find myself dwelling on some horrific stuff.
The other day, I described a handsome man as “hot from his pores to his sores.”
I thought I’d forgotten it. I did not forget it. And now, because I can’t forget it, I’m sharing it with you.
This isn’t the only 🥴 thought I’ve had this week. The other thought was about a line in Megan Thee Stallion’s “Simon Says.” The part where she talks about tights and … parts of the human anatomy. Big-built parts of the human anatomy, in particular.
I listened to that song on the day it was released, IIRC. In all my years of listening to that song, I’ve never said anything unsettling or cringeworthy about the lyrics. But now, in 2023, I managed to make myself cringe by saying, “He can tell this ain’t no Slim Virginia.”
Meg, girl — I — I’m sorry. From now on, I’ll only post peer-reviewed bars.
I immediately wanted to tape my own mouth shut. I absolutely need to spend time on something more productive.
I should probably invest in some duct tape, anyway. I never know what horribly corny thing I’m going to think of (or say) next.
Jamais Mayville 