Over the past four years, I’ve lost my mind.
Before the pandemic, I was a normal person, and a normal coworker — if a bit quiet and shy. But in the wake of stressful times, I’ve become completely anxious and overly-precise. I’m not too particular when it comes to other people — but I constantly chastise myself.
I’ve also become dull-witted, tongue-tied, and poorly spoken. I used to be able to make jokes, but now, I just sit with my anxious thoughts. I feel like even my voice sounds weak and sad, when it used to sound so … warm and full of life.
Sometimes, I hope and pray that I’ll win the lottery – even when I haven’t bought a ticket. Just so I can start over somewhere else, where no one knows me. Just so I can reinvent myself — this time, as a happy person.
Jamais Mayville 